Relationships: What to do when you've falsely accused your faithful spouse of cheating

Paul Lines By Paul Lines, 27th Oct 2010 | Follow this author | RSS Feed | Short URL http://nut.bz/21cehguh/
Posted in Wikinut>Family>Relationships

Wrongly accusing one's spouce of cheating can be a marriage breaker. At the very least the wrongful accuser will need to take some serious steps to rebuild the relationship

Wrongful accusation

The silence is almost unbearable. The hurt in the eyes of your spouse feels like a knife tearing at your heart. The trust is draining away like your lifeblood. Why is all of this happening? It is your fault, because you have just wrongly accused your spouse of cheating on you and it has been proven beyond doubt that the accusation was false. He or she has not been unfaithful. You were wrong to accuse. Yet your words hang like a crown of thorns over the head of your loved one, unable to be retrieved. What do you do to make it right, what can you do?

You were so sure of yourself when you began. The facts all seemed to point towards an affair and indicated that your loved one had breached the trust that should exist between married couples and yet now it is you who has broken that trust. It is you who has to hope the damage can be repaired.

Trying to put things right

Apology
The first step needed is to apologise. Accept the expressions and words of anger from your wronged partner, if they happen, without thinking of responding in kind. He or she has a right to be upset and angry. Similarly, you must make the apology unconditional and show by your words and actions that this is the case. By that I mean that no attempt should be made to justify your actions, because there is none. Apologise sincerely and with humility.

Don't expect, or even worse demand, an acceptance of your apology. Your loved one has been hurt and people react in different ways to dealing with such emotional upset. Give him or her time if they need it; time to calm down and to come to terms with what has happened. It may take them a while to accept that you are truly sorry and you have to be patient and allow your loved one the space to make the decision.

Explanation
When the atmosphere has calmed ask your loved one if you can sit down quietly together in order that you can try to explain the reason behind your accusation. Again, this is not a question of being able to justify what has happened, it is a means of clearing the air. In addition, with the help of your spouse, you may find what it was within yourself that caused such a mistake and they might be able, if they are willing, to help you to deal with that situation, even if it is something as dangerous as jealousy. Sometimes we see ourselves better through another person's eyes. In a situation like this, we need our partner’s vision.

Forgiveness
The next step is to ask for forgiveness. In that quiet time take their hand in yours and tell them you would like to be forgiven. You cannot, at that stage expect them to forget, but you can say that you hope you love and affection and future actions will lead to you both being able to put the situation behind you in the future. Forgiveness is important in providing both of you with healing.

Rebuilding
It is you who have broken the trust, therefore it is imperative that you accept the responsibility of needing to rebuild the relationship, which of course can only be achieved with the help of the spouse who has been wronged. But you must take that first step on the path to rebuilding and mean it. Working together the two of you will be able to recover the loving relationship that you had before, but it takes intention, determination, commitment and time. Do not expect miracles as the pain will not disappear overnight. Work slowly and carefully as you seek to re-establish the close and committed relationship and it will happen.

Learning the lesson

Finally, you must learn from the experience. In the future think twice before you say something that might cause pain to others, especially where that comment might not be true. If something happens that you do not understand, ask and explain your reasons for the questions. Never accuse unless there is literally no doubt that you are right, because the next time you might not be able to put right the consequences.

Wrongly accusing your spouse of infidelity is one of the worst mistakes you can make in a relationship. Make sure your regret and apologies are real and come from the heart and ask for his or her help to enable you both to move onto the future, putting the past behind.

Tags

Cheating, False, Marriage, Marriage Relationship Problems, Relationships, Spouse

Meet the author

author avatar Paul Lines
Having spent a large part of my working life as a business consultant, I am now a full time freelance writer offering content for on-line and print publishers, as well as focusing on creative writing

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Comments

author avatar Keith Brown
12th Feb 2011 (#)

I think your blog is well represented here. But, my problem is this person constantly accuses me of things I didn't do and she cannot provide one proof of anything. What can I do?

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author avatar Eve
19th Jun 2014 (#)

My boyfriend of the past 2 and a half years is always accusing me of cheating on him... I have two kids from a previous marriage and they are with me always for the most part so is my boyfriend he has cheated on me in the past and it hurts but since i let him in he has been falsely accusing me all the time and tonight it didnt help when a friend of mine that called ( that is a guy) see last night he called me i told him not to call me because i didnt want my man to get jelouse so tonight he calls me to see how i am doing but he lies to the boyfriend saying that he is my cousin so he wouldnt get me introuble my boyfriend knows all my family members so he knew it wasnt i was and still am so pissed at my friend for calling i told him off and now my boyfriend really thinks that i am cheating i cant tell him that im not he wont listen to me and even my friend told him that he was just a friend and concerned for me as a friend i ended up defriending that friend after i gave him a piece of my mind and still to no avail my boyfriend blames me i am not a cheater i would never cheat! how can i get him to realise that i am not in control of what dumb asses do? and that i didnt cheat!!!!?

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author avatar Amanda
13th Mar 2012 (#)

Thank you for writing this. This is exactly what I needed after being falsely accused.

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author avatar Paul Lines
20th Mar 2012 (#)

Kieth, you need patience to show her without anger that the accusations are false. To be able to find out exactly what is driving her to make these comments too you and discover whether there is a deeper reason behind her words and anger.

Amanda, I am glad that these words have helped you

Paul

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author avatar Amber
13th Aug 2012 (#)

I really needed to read this after being wrongly accused of cheating on my boyfriend. Being wrongly accused of cheating hurts to the core, especially when you have put so much effort and time into showing your partner that you have their backs and are 100% there for them. Hopefully my boyfriend will see the error in his accusations, because honestly, this whole situation appears to be a deal breaker for me.

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author avatar Perseverance
31st Aug 2012 (#)

I want words or sentence how to apologize to my husband of cheating

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author avatar Dr
13th Sep 2012 (#)

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author avatar Merry
30th Jan 2013 (#)

Wow, that is really tacky, to use this as a forum to peddle a spy & suspicion service.

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author avatar Ethan
12th Oct 2012 (#)

All of this goes out the window if your partner has borderline personality disorder and is triangulating with other men: chatting online, reconnecting with old boyfriends, etc. Even if it's not physical or sexual and the person is doing it to ease their emptiness, fear of abandonment, and fear of engulfment. It is still cheating. It was being done behind my back.

I am cleaning out my computer after my borderline soon to be ex-wife left and found this and other "cheating" articles. Now it makes sense why she was throwing this stuff in my face.

The more loving and accommodating I was to her, the more emotionally and physically withdrawn she became. I asked her if she had found someone else and wanted to move on. This was skewed by her and turned around so she could tell everyone that I was accusing her of cheating on me. It's sad.

I found many of the chat records still in my computer's save records, even though she cleared the browser daily.

I put this in here because although I liked and support your article, there is always the possibility a partner is being unfaithful, just not in the way or for the reasons we traditionally think.

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author avatar Merry
30th Jan 2013 (#)

Ethan, I feel for you but this is an article specifically for situations where the accused spouse is innocent. Your situation does not fit into that category. Those who have committed the betrayal of accusing an innocent partner are sometimes still reluctant to take full responsibility for the seriousness of their offense and still trying to justify themselves & if they are reading this page your comment may serve to feed their desire to excuse and justify themselves which could only hinder the process of fixing what they broke.

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author avatar Renee
4th Mar 2013 (#)

I too accused my husband of cheating with a coworker. He has always talked to and about his coworkers, but it was something about her that didn't
sit we'll with me. I asked himif he had something going on wit her. He said of course not. We had a get together at our house shortly after and he invited her. i told him i didn't feel comfortable with her coming. He told the coworker my
suspicions and that he could only deal with her work related. He told me she cried when he told her that, but I said yeah right. About 8 months after the first accusation, his cell phone got wet and a friend told him to put it in rice to dry out. I took the opportunity when he was at work to put it back together and read his messages. There wasn't a single phone call or message from this coworker, but from the rest of his team. I found this a little odd. I confronted him. He told me he erased them because he didn't want to have to explain himself every time her number showed up or there was a message. He was very upset and told me if I kept accusing him I could leave. I agonized over it, i never had any real proof so I decided to let it go, apologize and ask for forgiveness. I believe in spirit intervening and the following weekend saw this coworker at an event. I felt led to apologize to her and ask for forgiveness for accusing her. She was deeply hurt, said she understood and forgave me. There was no judgment on her part. I felt even worse, because here was a woman I had wrongly accused, made life at work uncomfortable and she was not angry at all. I realize that it was my own insecurities and our problems in our marriage that led me to believe he was cheating. We had moved to a new country the year before. I made the decision to stop teaching and stay home with my daughter who had just turned two at the time, I had no family or friends. I was a real nag and drag. I said to myself if I feel this way about me, he does too. I met this coworker she was beautiful and sweet and total opposite of me at the time. I am now in a much better place, feel good about me and realize it was just me wanting to see what I saw. Fortunately, my husband has forgiven me, I feel at peace in my heart and soul.

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author avatar Cyan
3rd Apr 2014 (#)

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author avatar Frama
28th Jun 2014 (#)

Without DR DAHIRU a lot of people would have been dead through heart break. My case is not different from heart break, I am married woman with 3 kids and there was a time when i was having problem with my husband because he was having an affair outside our marriage and this was making me feel bad. So i tried finding solution to my problem by reading a lot of relationship tips on the internet and that was how i came in contact with DR DAHIRU contact details and through the help of DR DAHIRU my husband left the girl he was having affair with and he came back to me and our kids. After a job well done by DR DAHIRU i felt that it will be unfair if i keep this secret to myself and that is why i am going to drop the contact details of DR DAHIRU right now, They are: arewaspecialisttemple@yahoo.com or call usa +18074601888 To enable you have a taste of his nice work

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author avatar Roselie
4th Jul 2014 (#)

I am Roselie,i am 42 years old,i have been married for the past 7years,so i noticed some strange behaviour about my husband,he disrespects me,does not trust me any more so i found out that he is in a relationship with another girl,his colleague at work..since then he became so aggressive and the love he has for me has gone so i was just a bug to him and he was looking for all means to send me out of the house..so one day after we had a dispute about this he said he is getting married to her and doesn't want me any more. i was shocked and i felt depressed..so a friend told me to try prophet Ibrahim that he has solved similar issue to her friend by spell casting contacted him at his email prophetibrahimm@gmail.com and i told him about my problem and he promised me that every thing will be alright and he prayed,2 days later my husband came back at noon which was not his usual close time and called me and he was in tears apologising for what he has done that he will never do it again..i was overwhelmed and welcomed him and he has loved me more than ever.at first i never believe in any spiritual means until i gave it a trial.all thanks to prophet Ibrahim..i decided i should not keep this to my self because there are several women out there that suffering the same...i want to let you know this, some marriages today are manipulated by evil spirit and you need a strong man to help you go against them..you can contact prophet at prophetibrahimm@gmail.com and just believe because he can attend to any kind of your problem..good luck.

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author avatar TASHA
20th Jul 2014 (#)

I m TASHA from U.S.A,My ex lover now is back and we are happily married with kids and i m here to gave thanks and appreciation to Dr IRABOR the spell caster of iraborspelltemple@gmail.com for all the time He stood by me,for all the truth He make me see,for all the happiness He brought into my life,for all the wrongs He make right,for every of my dreams He make come through and for the help i found in Him,i am grateful and thankful unto Him,He was the one that helped me all,He never let me fall,He was the one that saw me through it all,He was my source of strength when i was weak,He was my voice when i couldn`t speak,He was my eyes when i couldn`t see,{spiritualy}He saw the pain wasn`t good for me,He lifted me were i couldn`t reach,i m everything i m today because He helped me,i m so happy my husband is back in my life at last,His email is iraborspelltemple@gmail.com,A temple were sorrows are dropped and happiness is gain in return.

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author avatar Josie
24th Jul 2014 (#)

I want to say few thanks to Dr Gboco, for the wonderful work he did for me last week, my husband ask for a divorce letter because of the little misunderstanding we heard in the past few month, And also i never wanted this because all our investment was a joint business and i don't have to be far away from my family and my two lovely kids. My friend told me about Dr Gboco Email: gbocotemple@yahoo.com and how he also help him so i have to contact him because i want to stop my husband from completing the divorce letter and i want to keep my family together and after contacting him, i was told what i needed to do and when i was going to start seeing the result and after which my husband call me and start asking for my forgiveness and it was all like a dream to me and we are all living happily together again all thanks to Dr Gboco.

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